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Tim Vine
British
March 4, 1967
Comedian
I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.
Tim Vine
Tags:
Just
Love
I Love
I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.
Tim Vine
Tags:
Out
Know
Date
For one thing, I don't pun excessively in real life.
Tim Vine
Tags:
Life
Thing
Real
I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.
Tim Vine
Tags:
History
Down
Put
So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'
Tim Vine
Tags:
You
Me
Make
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
Tim Vine
Tags:
You
Me
Know
As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.
Tim Vine
Tags:
You
Get
Thing
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
Tim Vine
Tags:
Great
Car
You
My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.
Tim Vine
Tags:
You
Like
About
I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
Tim Vine
Tags:
People
Like
About
